Living in this Brain

So, today I cleaned out the big fridge with the HUGE help of my roommate Ben, and found these two slightly squishy long green things from his mom's garden. They were a) zucchini or b) cucumbers.

I do not know which. I just Google image searched from my bed and tried to match that to my memory, and I still don't know. (Downstairs is far away and honestly - holding one might not do much to clarify things). I do distinctly remember Ben correcting me, but I don't remember what I said or what he said, so it's not helpful.

Anyway, Ben pulled them out to make for dinner and then spent the evening out, so I helpfully put them back in the crisper drawer so they wouldn't become more squishy. Tricky bit is, the whole fridge cleaning thing began because another cucumber/zucchini died and made juice in the drawer, and then the drawer can't come out unless you pull the fridge out, and then you have to wash the bottom of the fridge and clean behind it and now I have Cleaner Cough because I'm a delicate Victorian flower and can't handle Tilex or anything else fumy, really.

Right. So. I was like, "Oh, I'm leaving for London tomorrow, I'll write Ben a note and remind him to eat the XXXs before they produce juice." But what to call them?

Thought process:

1) Cannot identify food type
2) Google image search
3) Very similar
4) If they had warts they would definitely be cucumbers, but not all cucumbers have warts.
5) Other part of brain - "Hey, so that's not a necessary but is a sufficient condition for being a cucumber, provided other conditions are met, like being long and green and incapable of independent movement!"
6) Other other part of brain, "You are a dork."
6) Other other other part "Some of the things in the fridge today looked capable of independent movement."
7) Other impatient task-driver bit "Irrelevant. Cucumber or zucchini? We have no clue, do we?"
8) Bit of brain that watches for cackling, poor choice of clothes, and general awkwardness/insanity "Please don't use 'we' it makes our internal chorus sound crazy."
9) Impatient bit "Well, let's just text "I put the vegetables in the crisper drawer, eat them before they get drippy."
10) Everyone else, "THEY'RE NOT VEGETABLES THEY HAVE SEEDS."
11) "Well they function as vegetables, and isn't there a Supreme Court decision saying a tomato is a vegetable?"
12) Too cool bit, "Yeah, you're a huge dork."
13) Obscure knowledge bit, "Wasn't that Nix vs. Hedden? And 1890 something?"
14) ADD bit "Oooh, we need to go to trivia night . . ."
15) Mouth and stomach, "Ooooh, BEER!"
16) Central command, "Alright, everyone, this is ridiculous. And the anti-Cleaner Cough Benadryl is kicking in. Goodnight."

I think I'll just send Ben a link to this . . .