Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Living in this Brain

So, today I cleaned out the big fridge with the HUGE help of my roommate Ben, and found these two slightly squishy long green things from his mom's garden. They were a) zucchini or b) cucumbers.

I do not know which. I just Google image searched from my bed and tried to match that to my memory, and I still don't know. (Downstairs is far away and honestly - holding one might not do much to clarify things). I do distinctly remember Ben correcting me, but I don't remember what I said or what he said, so it's not helpful.

Anyway, Ben pulled them out to make for dinner and then spent the evening out, so I helpfully put them back in the crisper drawer so they wouldn't become more squishy. Tricky bit is, the whole fridge cleaning thing began because another cucumber/zucchini died and made juice in the drawer, and then the drawer can't come out unless you pull the fridge out, and then you have to wash the bottom of the fridge and clean behind it and now I have Cleaner Cough because I'm a delicate Victorian flower and can't handle Tilex or anything else fumy, really.

Right. So. I was like, "Oh, I'm leaving for London tomorrow, I'll write Ben a note and remind him to eat the XXXs before they produce juice." But what to call them?

Thought process:

1) Cannot identify food type
2) Google image search
3) Very similar
4) If they had warts they would definitely be cucumbers, but not all cucumbers have warts.
5) Other part of brain - "Hey, so that's not a necessary but is a sufficient condition for being a cucumber, provided other conditions are met, like being long and green and incapable of independent movement!"
6) Other other part of brain, "You are a dork."
6) Other other other part "Some of the things in the fridge today looked capable of independent movement."
7) Other impatient task-driver bit "Irrelevant. Cucumber or zucchini? We have no clue, do we?"
8) Bit of brain that watches for cackling, poor choice of clothes, and general awkwardness/insanity "Please don't use 'we' it makes our internal chorus sound crazy."
9) Impatient bit "Well, let's just text "I put the vegetables in the crisper drawer, eat them before they get drippy."
11) "Well they function as vegetables, and isn't there a Supreme Court decision saying a tomato is a vegetable?"
12) Too cool bit, "Yeah, you're a huge dork."
13) Obscure knowledge bit, "Wasn't that Nix vs. Hedden? And 1890 something?"
14) ADD bit "Oooh, we need to go to trivia night . . ."
15) Mouth and stomach, "Ooooh, BEER!"
16) Central command, "Alright, everyone, this is ridiculous. And the anti-Cleaner Cough Benadryl is kicking in. Goodnight."

I think I'll just send Ben a link to this . . .

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Poem of the Day: A Finger, Two Dots, Then Me

My friends Katie and Peter got married on the 4th of July this year, and Katie's brother Evan read this poem. And then I cried. Weddings will do that to you.

A Finger, Two Dots, Then Me
(the poem I’d like my future wife to read
when I finally crap out )

by Derrick Brown

Lying together in the park on Seventh,
our backs smoosh grass and I say
I will love you till I become a child,
when feeding and bathing me is no longer romantic,
but rather necessary.
I will love you till there is no till.
till I die.
And when that electroencephalogram shuts down, baby
that’s when the real lovin’ kicks in.

Forgive me for sounding selfish
but I won’t be able to wait under the earth for you,
(albeit a romantic thought for groundhogs,
gophers and the gooey worms.)
I will not be able to wait for you...

but I will meet up with you
and here’s where you will find me:
get a pen-

Hold your finger up
(two fingers if your hands are frail by now)
and count two stars directly to the left
of the North American moon.
You will find me there.
You will find me darting behind amazing quasars
Behind flirtatious winks
of bright and blasting boom stars!

Sometimes charging so far into space,
the darkness goes blue.
I will be there chasing sound waves
riding them like 2 dollar pony ride horses
that have finally broken free and wild.
I will be facing backwards, lying sideways,
no hands, sidesaddle, sometimes standing
sometimes screaming zip zang zowie!
My God, it’s good to be back in space... Where is everybody?

You will recognize my voice.
You will see the flash of a fire trail
burning off the back of me
burning like a gasoline comet Kerosene Sapphire.
This is my voice.
Don’t look for my body or a ghost.
I’ll resemble more a pilot light than a man now.

I’m sure some will see
this cobalt star white light from earth
and cast me a wish like a wonderbomb.
And I’ll think “Hmmph. people still do that?”

I’m sure I’ll take the light wonderbombs
to the point in the universe
where sound does end.
The back porch of God’s summer home.

It’s so quiet, you float
it feels the way cotton candy tastes.
He let’s me in through the back porch.
St. Peter’s busy in the front
building a catfish pond and swimmin’ hole
for sea-drowned-gray-green souls to enter up from.
I don’t mind his stories
I just get tired of his voice

So you should know what to look for
and exactly where to go...

Take your time and don’t worry about getting lost.
You’ll find me. Up there, a finger and two dots away.
If you're wondering if I’ll still be able to hold you
...I honestly don’t know

but I do know that I could still fall in love
with the swish of light that comes barreling
and cascading towards me
It will resemble your sweet definite hands.
The universe will bend.
The planets will bow.
And I will say “O, there ya are. I been waitin’ for ya. Now we can go.”

And the two pilot lights go zoooooooom
into the black construction paper night

as somewhere else
two other lovers lie down on their backs and say
“What the hell was that?”

And for good measure, here's the light saber duel that was part of the ceremony: